Happy Birthday my sweet one year old boy. I have no words to express my sadness, aching for you, joy, and love I have for you! I hurt to not be with you on this day, but I know we will be together soon! This will be the last birthday I miss.
Jen Hatmaker says it best:
"You realize God can put a vicious fight in you for a kid without your blood coursing through his veins. Those early doubts about loving a child without the helpful instincts of biology are put to rest. Of course you don't know this kid yet, but you love him in your heart, in your bones. You'll fight like hell to get to him. You can't think of anything else. You are obsessed. You dream about him like you did when you were pregnant. You realize that when God said 'He sets the lonely in families', he meant it, and he doesn't just transform the "lonely" but also the "families". He changes us for one another. God can create a family across countries, beyond genetics, through impossible circumstances, and past reason".
Yes my treasure, my love for you is so deep though I have only laid eyes on pictures of you, you are mine and I would break through a concrete wall to get to you!
I do not know all your first year of life has held. I do not know where your mother birthed you, how she held you close and nursed you and gave you life, I do not know if you ever laid eyes on your father. I do not know how many days you went without food, or if no one came to you when you cried out, I do not know the circumstances that led you to me, but I know they were pieces of God's symphony he used to bring us together. I know a decade of prayer and unexplained desire led me to you. God would not let me get away from you because he knew you were mine. We needed you and you needed us, and the world may just see a clearer picture of Jesus through you. A gospel that puts on skin and comes to the lowliest of places to redeem the messy parts of our life. A God who loves to restore a foundation where there was once only dirt. A God who loves to put broken things back together. A God who puts himself best on display when we are cracked and broken.
You are an instrument of God, Levi Moses White. God has big plans for you my son. I am honored to sit and watch what He will do to you, through you, and because of you.
"Ask and I'll give the nations to you" Psalm 2:8.
"Don't be afraid for I am with you, I will gather you and your children from east and west". Isaiah 43:5.
"Later, when the boy was older, his mother brought him back to Pharoah's daughter, who adopted him as her own son. The princess named him Moses, for she explained, "I lifted him out of the water". Exodus 2:10
I love you Levi Moses. Happy 1st birthday my beautiful son.
Until I am with you soon,
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