A letter to Maran on her 6th birthday

Six. Six years of growth. Each birthday brings a new year for us together. But your birthday is also a time for me to look back. I missed your first 4 birthdays. Your story had not intersected mine yet. I do not discount the joy, the hurt, the challenge, and the history you made in the 4 years before me. Those years are as important to me as the two we have had together. Your history is a part of who you are and I am grateful for those formative years that shaped you into the joy you have become. You are a light, a ball of energy and fun, you are excited at the smallest of things and love to tell about your day. You are a peacemaker, you look up to your sister, you are affectionate and silly. You know you have a voice and you love to use it!
For the years when I didn't have you but knew you would come, I prayed these things for you.
1. A joy unexplainable. One of your referral pictures we were given you looked like the shell of a girl that used to be. Lifeless, joyless, hopeless was the look on your face. From that day especially, I prayed for God to fill you with joy. Joy that is beyond explanation. All adoption starts in trauma, grief, loss. But Jesus brings hope, life, and joy abundant. So I prayed he would give you those things regardless of where your story started.
2. A heart grateful. I prayed your history would not make you angry. Some days it probably will. On the outside it may seem desirable to just be ordinary, to hide behind the curtain, to not stick out. But God has given you a story. I prayed one day you would come to be thankful for the story God has given you and embrace the fullness of what he intends for your good and his glory. I pray you are thankful to and for your first family, for all they have given to you and the ways they loved you. I pray you are grateful to a God who sees you, who longs to call you daughter, and to a God where you have always belonged, been accepted and desired.
3. A generous spirit. I prayed that as you transitioned to a new home, a new country, a new family, that you would always remember who you are, where you are from, and who God made you to be. I prayed that God would create in your spirit a generosity to see people in their hurt and brokenness and give of yourself to them. I prayed you would be extravagant with your love and sacrificial with your life for those who are lost, abandoned, and alone. I pray that you will always tap into God's love to pour out of and to live a life spent for others.
4. A knowledge of your acceptance. I prayed for this the day I saw your picture and I still do today. This is one place in your heart where you will be attacked. The enemy wants to tell you that you don't belong, you aren't fully loved, you aren't accepted for who you are, you are different and different is bad. These are lies that will fill your heart and mind one day and I pray you will cling to truth to remind yourself you are fiercely loved, deeply known and completely accepted. We are all different glimpses of the image of Jesus. He stretched his arms wide and gave up his life for you to know you are his daughter, fully loved and redeemed.

Our journey together has not always been easy. You challenge me to trust and lean fully into God in a way I have not before. I fail daily to love you the way you need to be loved. You are always so quick to forgive, to give grace, and to find joy. I realize God has answered many of my prayers already in you. He has used you to call me to Himself in a way I wouldn't have experienced before. I pray for wisdom so that I can continually point you to the healer, the provider and your perfect father. You are a light, you radiate joy that cannot be explained. You challenge me to not let little things stress me but to rather look to the simple things God has given and created and just enjoy, just live, just revel in all he has done. I am so thankful for you and you are a gift I do not deserve. I pray this year brings about a knowledge and dependence on Jesus you have yet experienced. I am so honored to be your mom. Happy Birthday and I love you Maran,