Into the Chaos

In my mind, Christmas should be this idyllic time of tradition, joy, merry-ness, time around with the kids in the evening discussing the joy and expectation of Advent-Christ coming into the world. But if I am honest, I am limping toward Christmas, tired, exhausted, confused, and feeling like I am in the midst of chaos. I feel so overwhelmed myself, that the idyllic picture is far from reality and then I feel more guilt and disappointment that I am not at a place to provide that for the kids. A toilet overflowed that ended up costing us thousands and weeks to fix, I have been sick for over a week, I have a child whose adoption trauma is highlighted around the holidays with food issues and grieving, the school has called twice for behavior issues and a concussion, we had an unforeseen financial thing happen that was not our fault but we were financially responsible,  I had to wait 2 weeks for a potential medical diagnosis that would have changed my life tremendously, the boy that I begged God to heal died, and then my plans for what I thought our future was looking like are being challenged,  and even today noticing a passport is expiring so close to such a special international trip that sent me all over the city getting documents and paying additional fees to rush the process. All that to say, life is chaotic right now. I am tired. I am disappointed. Things aren't playing out like I thought they should in certain areas. But that is where God shows up. That is advent.

My thoughts went to Mary this morning, at the end of her pregnancy with who was to be the Savior of the world, and just as she was getting close to delivery, they have to take an unforeseen trip that pulls her out of her plans and into chaos. Riding on a donkey for days and days, ending up with no where to stay. I can't imagine her thoughts as the innkeeper said there was no room. If I were her, I would think, "Seriously God? A stable? I thought you told me I was having your precious Son who would be the light of the world and rescue and redeem us? Something must be wrong here. This can't be the plan." But that is how God works. Out of the chaos he brings order. Out of the disappointment and brokenness, He brings his presence, Emmanuel, God WITH us. This precious savior was born in the nastiest of places, to parents dealing with shame and poverty, in a climate of political upheaval and danger. And his name was called God WITH us. He didn't come as the triumphant king everyone thought he would be. He didn't come with what looked like a happy ending wrapped in a bow. He came to a dirty stable and lived heading towards death on a cross.

That is the message God apparently has for me this advent. God doesn't owe me a life that works out the way I think it should. I think the happy ending is what I am promised, but it is not. My plans are not working out with a pretty bow wrapped around them. Things are messy and chaotic. But there He is, in the midst of it all, reminding me not to idealize the happy endings and perfect plans, but to find him in the chaos as he comes to bring order and peace and deep abiding joy beyond circumstance. It is what he has been doing since before creation, bringing life out of nothingness, bringing order out of chaos, resurrecting places that are dead and broken with beauty, giving us his presence in the midst of suffering. He is the reward. Not the negative medical diagnosis or the child with no pain. Emmanuel, Christ WITH us is enough.

"The Angel had said of Mary, "Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her" And this blessing isn't always what we think- the happy ending we wanted and the desires of our hearts fulfilled. Blessed is she who believes His promises. The blessing is different from blessing as the world sees it. It isn't an easy life or one of success. Blessing is, that as we find ourselves in a place that God has yet to explain, may never explain, a place or a life that doesn't line up with what we had in mind, He gives us a promise...It is the promise of Emmanuel, God with us. He will be here with us, our great reward" Katie Davis Majors, Daring to Hope. 

So maybe this Christmas isn't so Merry for you right now either. That is ok. Instead of being merry, I am simply looking for him. He is good even when life doesn't look it. When the package isn't tied up with the pretty bow, there he is. Reminding me He is for me, with me, working it all for my good. He reminds me to wait, to trust, to be expectant. The message of advent.
"And he shall be called, Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." Isaiah 9:6

the gospel of adoption

Each year, I feel like God gives me a new lens to view Christmas through.  Last year, I posted this about really seeing God as father as he “gave up” his son to come to earth, knowing he would be crucified by the very people he sent him to save. Thinking about giving up my own son in that way, really deepened my view of the Father’s heart. 

This year, God has given me a new perspective to view this amazing season. I have learned so much and journeyed through so much this year. Now I see Christmas through the lens of Jesus’ adoption.  After reading Russell Moore’s “Adopted for Life”, I learned so much more about how the entire Bible is threaded together through the lens of adoption.  One lesson has stuck out to me and has been brought to life even more this Christmas.

The Jewish people had knowledge of a Messiah coming. They thought he would be the grandest of kings the way that the world views Kings; riches, triumph, valor and success. They had memorized scriptures of His coming, they knew he would be coming from the line of David, one of the greatest kings.

This prophesy is what ties the old testament to the new. The prophesy of Jesus and the fulfillment of that prophesy is the good news of the Gospel.  However, I had missed how this prophesy was actually fulfilled.  Mary was not from the lineage of king David….it was Joseph.

The prophesy of the Messiah was answered through adoption.

The Gospel was fulfilled through adoption.

Joseph’s adoption of Jesus.

Moore recalls a question he was asked about one of his adopted sons. “Are you his real dad?” He expands on what it means to be a “real” dad and relates it to scripture.

He relates it to Joseph’s role in Jesus’ life: 

“Joseph was not Jesus’ biological father…no amount of Joseph’s DNA could be found in the dried blood of Jesus peeled from the wood of Golgotha’s cross…Joseph is not Jesus’ biological father, but he is his real father.  Jesus would have said “Abba” first to Joseph…And perhaps most significantly, if Joseph is not really the father of Jesus, you and I are going to hell…Joseph’s adoption of Jesus means Jesus belongs to “the house of David just as truly as if he were in a physical sense the son of Joseph”. It is through Joseph that Jesus finds his identity as the fulfillment of the Old Testament promise. Joseph’s fatherhood is significant for us precisely because of the way the gospel anchors it to the fatherhood of God himself.”

I think of Mary- a “good” girl, following what society says you “should” do. Engaged to a righteous man. Plans of a wedding, a future, just like society approved of. But God had bigger plans for Mary, however, this came at the sacrifice of comfort and societal approval.  Joseph would have been deemed right to leave Mary since she was pregnant with a child that was not his while engaged. But Joseph put aside his comfort and his reputation for God’s glory. He adopted God’s son as his own. This act fulfilled the prophesy of Jesus. Joseph was the earthly father that God had planned for Jesus since the birth of time. Joseph’s surrender, submission, and obedience to that call of adoption on his life allowed such Glory and Grace to be revealed to the world.

I keep thinking about their thought process through all of that, Mary’s surrender and seemingly quick “yes” in obeying the Lord.  I wonder if Mary questioned if this was really God’s plan for her as she gave birth to the future King on a bed of hay next to barn animals.  I think of Joseph’s strength and humility as he accepted what the Lord had for his life, which I’m sure differed from his plans greatly. I think of Joseph’s bravery in the rescue of Mary and Jesus as he led them away from Herod as he tried to kill his newborn boy.

I think a lot of times we cling to our plans, what is comfortable in our lives.  Sometimes we miss out on a greater glory the Lord has for us because of our fear to obey, our fear of society’s approval, our hesitancy to step out in faith and surrender.

I pray this season you rest in God as the author of your story, you take bold steps where he is asking you to, you revel in the sacrifice and the Glory of Christ’s birth, death and resurrection, and you reflect on how that will impact your life so that you can then make an impact on the kingdom.

Merry Christmas! 

25 days of kindness...starting now!

So we had been thinking of ways to really focus in on Jesus this Christmas with the kids, now that they are a little older and understand even more. I think the temptation is to make it all about Santa and gifts and all of that. Here are a few ways over the years we have tried to keep our focus on the right things...
DISCLAIMER: In no way am I saying that I am doing things right and Santa/wish lists/whatever are wrong. Everyone has Christmas tradition, some from your family of origin, some you create as you go along your journey as a family.  We have tried to be very strategic to come up with a plan to make sure our kids are exposed to a Christ centered Christmas perspective.  I don't have all of the answers, nor am I doing everything right, but this is where we are right now. I am passing no judgement here.

1. We have tried to stay away from the idea Santa or pretend that he brings the gifts:
Yes...bah humbug I guess. But I don't know. The show of it all gets me down somehow. I had a hard time thinking about pretending that a man will come down our chimney and bring our kids gifts. Plus, Santa is exciting. So much so that we may just miss Jesus if we did Santa justice in the eyes of our 3 & 5 year old.
What we do: we have a book about St. Nick. I love St. Nick. St. Nick would fill the little orphans socks as they dried on the line with special gifts on Christmas eve. We talk about how Santa is reflecting generosity. But we do not celebrate Santa because that is more about what he will do for me.
In addition, i think the temptation as a mom is to withhold gifts or threaten to lose gifts "if you're naughty" or when you have a behavior issue with your child near Christmas, I know i am tempted to threaten to take gifts back or whatever. But I have to remind myself God doesn't show his love to us conditionally based on if we are naughty or nice. God blesses us with his love and forgiveness even when we are at our worst. This is why I give my kids gifts at Christmas, not because they have been nice that year/month/day.  I give them gifts as a reflection of Christ giving us the best gift, no strings attached, unconditionally.  That is why our three gifts sit under the tree from us.
Another reason I steer clear of the jolly man in red is the disappointment I felt as a kid when I found out it was all a hoax. And I also feel like I treated God like santa claus from about the ages of 3-13. I guess that is the only un-seen person I had to compare God to. So i would pray God my wish list and wait for it to come true, until I really understood who God is.

2. We have strayed away from wish lists: The idea of asking my kids to sit down and write out what they want just hasn't set right with me. This plays right in to the mess in our hearts, my own very much so included. Plus it plays up there little hearts to think they will get exactly what they wish for...and life rarely works like that. Thankfully so. It puts a lot of pressure on me to just get what they ask for instead of what the giver wants to get for them. So we do 3 gifts from John and I and a stocking. They don't know what they are getting nor do I ask. So far, even this year, Reese hasn't ever told me something she wants. I know this will change as she gets older and that will be a great discussion point about what Giving is all about.
One of the kids gifts this year is a sponsor child each in the AMAZIMA (amazima.org) program. They will be able to write letters to them through out the year, and I may be able to visit them when I go in April. They've already written the kids so that will be an awesome gift that gives both ways this Christmas!

3. We do a birthday party for Jesus- and we do it big! I let the kids make the cake mostly on their own and ice it, sprinkle it, put a big J in candy on it, etc. We sing, blow out the candles, re-light it and blow them out again, and sing. Its been a tradition since Reese was 4 months old and we love it! Its such a good reminder of what we are actually celebrating.

4. We want to have a spirit of giving: Since reese was our only, I have tried to make this month about giving. We clear out toy buckets and give away toys we don't play with and I ask the kids to part with one special toy that we can give to another. I don't want them to get used to just giving the leftovers or unwanted toys, so I ask them to part with a special one of their choice. We pack lunches for the homeless men and pass them out when we see them at the corner. We also do operation christmas child boxes and they pick all that goes in them and what age and gender they want their box to go to. Now this year we are doing.....
25 days of kindness! I am super excited about this and got this idea from the Christmas Angel and Lillightomine.com
http://lillightomine.com/light-em-up-2011.php
You can follow along with ideas of how to light up your community with giving!

Today was day 1 for us and they both took apples to their teachers with a picture they drew for them. We talked about why we are giving and doing acts of kindness and the kids were totally pumped for it! I was helping wheeler scribble down what he loves about his teachers when Reese handed me her finished artworks. One said:
"Miss Chiu- i lik beig with you. God loves you. Mary Crismis."  and the next...
"Miss Pedrs (peters)- i lik yur hugs. God loves you. Mary Crismis".
Heart melt! I love that little girl's heart and how she boldly shares the love of Christ much better than I do.
Wheeler of course wanted me to write "I like throwing the ball with you Miss Beth." and "miss Gail is nice and fun". :)

So join me this month as we celebrate the best gift anyone can receive!
(and don't judge me for not liking santa... :)
Kylie

Christmas from a new perspective

Sweet Wheeler just a few days old.

So I've been thinking a lot about Christmas, and what it really means. And then about what it really means---to me.  Sometimes I bypass the behind the scenes stuff that was going on and just focus on the fact that Jesus was born as a baby and the humble beginnings he had and then think of what he grew into.  This year, I feel like the Lord has really been putting on display for me, the fathers heart.  In terms of my own son, to think about taking this sweet baby that in a sense (not really bc he is God's) is mine. Taking this baby and willingly giving my son to another tribe who I know will raise him and then brutally murder him.  What mother would give her son to that group of people knowing he would be torn to shreds, mounted with nails on a tree and left there to suffocate and bleed to death. God knew full well what was coming. He allowed Jesus to grow up here on earth, in our tribe. He gave him to us without hesitation or reservation.  He put his sweet little baby into the hands of men that would tear his flesh off his body.  There was a lot going on behind the scenes in the manger that I hadn't been thinking about.  God wanted us so badly to know him that he would give his sweet perfect son into the hands of murderers. If I was forced to give my child into the hands of people I knew would eventually torture him beyond recognition, even knowing my son would do amazing things for those people, I can't imagine making that choice.  God's decision to send Jesus at Christmas was more than just a sweet silent night. From a father's heart it had to be filled with emotion, seeing his son born into new form, knowing he would redeem so many, yet also the agony of knowing the torture that would come for him at the cross.  This was the ultimate gift coinciding with the ultimate sacrifice.  Jesus taking on flesh, meant he would take on pain, take on our sin. Christmas was God's decision to send his son to this tribe, the cross was Jesus' submission to his fathers will to ransom many. It means something differently after holding your sweet child in your arms. I am beyond speechless and awed and grateful for God's sacrifice in giving us his child. 

Merry Christmas.