But they were always small prayers,
self-centered petitions,
a "can you really handle this prayer" prayer,
weak prayers about silly issues.
And while, yes, I believe God cares about anything that is concerning us, God is not Santa Claus, and God is not small.
I treated God like Santa until about 9th grade. Give me this, help me not be sad about this, I want a better this, whatever. In 9th grade my prayer life transitioned to a more this is who I am God and this is how I love you prayer. I still littered my prayers with selfish requests and vomiting my worry (aka mistrust) that God would come through.
In college I broadened my perspective when it came to prayer, what do i do here God, how can i be a better witness to this person God, is this the major/career/person you want for me God?
Yet over the last 10 months my old prayers have seemed so small, ineffective, not world changing, power unleashing prayers. God has revealed to me so much about the world that we (Christians and non Christians alike) choose to just ignore so it doesn't rain on our parade.
I have a feeling that once I get to heaven, I will be embarrassed by the teeny tiny prayers I have been praying. When we are faced with the fullness, able-ness, and BIG-ness of God, I think I will have wished I would have asked BOLDLY for bigger things. He tells us to approach the throne in boldness. He tells us in John 15:7 as you abide in me and my words abide in you, ask WHATEVER you wish and it will be done for you.
Now this could be twisted into the prosperity Gospel. Ask for a Ferrari in Jesus' name, a bigger paycheck, whatever. But it is coupled with dwelling in the Word. The scriptures have come to life to me in a whole new way lately. I realize I have just skimmed the Bible and said, "Wow, that's a cool thing to do Jesus, invite people who can't pay you back to a party? way to go Jesus, feed the hungry and care for the orphan? Good idea Jesus, I'll have to tell someone else to do that ". No, this is an example of how we are to live. Once we dwell there, in the good places of scripture and the hard places, then our prayers start to be BIG, for HIS glory not ours. Then we can ask for ANYTHING in his name and it will be done.
Prayer unleashes Gods power in a way that would not happen without us. God could wipe out world hunger right now regardless of our actions, but he chooses to use us. He doesn't lightning bolt down salvation typically, he doesn't come sweeping through the clouds and move an orphan from an orphanage to the perfect home. Sometimes yes, but more often than not, he chooses to use us. He moves in our hearts for us to act. But if we aren't praying BIG, if we aren't even leaving time to listen to him during prayer, then we miss this. We miss unleashing the power of the Holy spirit into a situation he is waiting to act on. Look at the miracles Jesus did, almost all were humanly initiated by a bold request. Like, come heal my dead daughter, just let me touch you because I can't stop bleeding for all the years of my life, heal my blindness, fix my lame legs. These are not small, weak requests. I pray I can boldly approach the throne and then be ready to act as God uses any obedience I have to change the outcome of people's lives, eternally and physically. If not me, then who?
On my prayer list these days...
God to reveal to me what I am supposed to do about the orphan crisis....
God to show me what I can do about the 26,000 who die each day from hunger. I pray for God to meet them and reveal himself to them as they cry out in desperation.
Like this little one year old who weighed six pounds and now she is a growing 18 month old in a loving home...
There are big things going on in the world, a 26 billion dollar sex trafficking industry, marriages crumbling, kids dying of preventable disease, 163 MILLION orphans. Are we just going to sit back and wipe our hands of it, saying its too Big to make a dent in it? Or will we first pray, then Obey?? I am working on both, leaning hard into trust that God is a Big God who wants to use his children to redeem and impact the lives of others.
"Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows what we know, and holds us responsible to act." Prov. 24:12
I love this, and I want to scream this at everyone I know so many days. Yesterday, I randomly turned on the TV and "Selling Spelling Manor" was on. I was nauseated - people were bidding on 19" dolls for $18,000 a piece. Eighteen thousand dollars for an ugly doll that will collect dust and sit on a shelf? How many orphans and widows could be fed, clothed, medicated, protected, sponsored, adopted for all of that money??? I want God to use me and our family in a BIG way, too, and I am praying for God to reveal HIS will for us. I also pray for the guts to move when He says to b/c I don't want to stand before the throne and see all of the opportunities I let slip away. I'm praying for you as you are waiting to move - and have those two precious babies home with you.
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