Monday, November 7, 2011

heavy hearted

My heart has been heavy the last week or two.  It has hit me in a whole new way that MY son and daughter are laying in an orphanage somewhere, thousands of miles from me.  Talk about no control...
I have felt a lack of control before.  Tying on Wheeler's hospital gown as I signed a waiver saying I wouldn't sue if he didn't wake up from anesthesia, watching as Reese jumped out of the car on her first day of kindergarten.... but nothing like this.
My son may not have eaten today, my daughter may not have been hugged or kissed today, my son may have hepatitis from drinking water with fecal matter in it, my daughter may not be getting the nutrients she needs or go to bed hungry tonight, my son may not have been told I love you today, my daughter may cry herself to sleep, or may have learned to stop crying because no one comes.  I.dont.know.
I have had a heavy heart lately. I think as a mom, our first gut instinct is to care for the very basic needs of our children. I cannot do this for our children right now. It has forced me to trust and cry out to God in a whole new way. It has hit me in a new way that I am totally out of control. But, it has brought me to my knees so quickly to realize that I can't hold my children, but He can. I can't make them laugh today, but He can. I can't tell them they are loved today, but He will for me. I am praying all of this in Jesus name. That they are fed. Filled with Joy. Comforted. Overwhelmed in love and a feeling of value despite what society has told them. I pray they feel adopted and not abandoned today. I pray they know God is holding them tonight when I can't. I pray in Jesus name that He is already knitting their hearts to ours. I pray they feel in their souls that their family is coming for them.
Then I pray for the other 147 million that may not have someone interceding for them. I pray God calls families to action on their behalfs. I pray they do not have to look at a cement wall instead of a mother's face for any longer.
Please join me in praying for our son and daughter,  the 26,000 children who will die tomorrow of hunger,
 and the millions and millions of orphans around this world. Only a BIG God can do something about this, I have no control, and I surrender that to the one who is in full control.

1 comment:

  1. kylie. in all honesty, I have never ever ever thought of it this way. praying for your sweet children. all four of them. amazing. God is so good and preparing those amazing babies to be held and loved and prayed for right there in your home. so hard to even imagine. i am sure time cant go by fast enough. praying praying. love you. thankful for you. and thankful to hear your heart about this exciting and difficult journey. love you.