Identity Change

Yesterday was such a flurry of anxiousness followed by extreme joy and love.
Today (wednesday) was a hard day. I checked my email (which I have been doing a lot of these days) and then I saw the words that stopped me in my tracks.     "Abandonment Decree"
My heart sunk as I read those words and thought what they meant to these two precious children.

Abandoned.

Orphaned. 

This was their identity. No more.  Now they are...

Treasured daughter.

Valued son.

Words cannot express the sadness I had at seeing that document.  I guess many would think this document is one step closer to bringing them home, which it is. But it is not what God intended. He did not intend for this family to be torn apart. He did not intend for these children to be given the identity "orphan". We live in a fallen world with sin and choice. It does not bring me joy to know my children were abandoned. I am thankful and gracious they will be forever a part of our lives, but I hurt for them. I ache for their mother and father. I am burdened by their circumstances that would cause them to give up their children.

But I think about that sweet mama in Uganda that asked us to take her baby. She had already taken in her neighbors children when she died and now had 7 kids. Her newborn needed formula and it was (i'm guessing) about a months salary for her to buy 1 can. She didn't want to breastfeed him so that she wouldn't pass HIV to him. These are the kind of life or death decisions have to make when giving up their children. It is not just a "I don't want the responsibility of you" sort of impulsive choice. This mom was trying to choose life for her son.
I do not know the story of our kids' parents. I do not know what led them to this path.

But I do know God makes beauty from ashes.
God is in the business of restoring.
God is invested in redeeming.

It has been a hard day. I can not put my feelings into words. I cannot begin to even put words with the situation of my heart. All I know is I will fight for these children. These children who don't have a voice. These children who have lived through something I wish I could protect them from. Please continue to pray for them, for this process of bringing them home. For sweet girl and boy as God prepares their hearts to be welcomed into a family and loved unconditionally.

Psalm 68: 4-6 Sing to God, sing in praises of his name, extol him who rides on the clouds, rejoice before him- his name is the Lord. A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his Holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families.

Isaiah 1:17- Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of the orphans.

Matthew 18:5- anyone who welcomes a little child on my behalf is welcoming me.

(pictures were taken in Uganda)