Friday, June 7, 2013

Referral Anniversary!

It has officially been a year today of seeing our two African treasures faces and being matched with them as their forever family. I wrote about it that day in this post. I remember that day so vividly. The anticipation of it all. The fear and nerves and anxiety wrapped up in it all. Because after all, how do you fall in love with a picture, and idea of someone?
I guess I can relate it best to seeing our ultrasounds of the first two. You know there is a baby in there. You have no idea what they look like, what gender, what their personalities will be or how they will change your life. Same for this situation with a few different emotions on top! I remembering opening my email to see this....

and weeks later this sad girl and scared little boy...

and getting news of parasites and stitches for Levi, and bacterial infections, and Levi moved to our facilitators house because of weight loss and someone stealing his food, and weeks later we got these...

I remember each set of pictures being like Christmas morning. But yet the heartache quickly follows that I have missed so much of their growing up. And that I can't protect them or take care of them. And the excitement and fear of what life will look like when they are home.
 You could have told me what this year would have held and I would have listened in disbelief. The miracles, the suffering, the healing, the pain, the transformation, the busyness, the new normalcy.
It is hard to say that I am 'thankful' that they were taken to an orphanage in 13 months ago in Kinshasa, DR Congo. Because gratitude and pain go together so intricately in the complexity of our story.
Now, on the other side of it all, hearing my almost 5 year old daughter telling me memories of being alone, scared, taking care of Levi, not liking living at the orphanage and never wanting to go back to live there, being hungry. It is heavy to hear the stories, some which will be only hers to tell.
But I am so grateful for this year. For Levi Moses White and Maran Grace White. Their heritages will always be celebrated. Their skin color will always be talked about and seen for what it is, beautiful. They may not look like their mommy and daddy but they are no less ours.
And what I told Maran last night when she laid her dark chocolate hand on top of mine and said "Me pretty like you mommy?"
Yes you are sweet girl. God made you just the way he wanted you. Dark, beautiful, strong, kind, loving, affectionate. God took something Satan wanted to hurt you and changed it for your Good and our Good. Because God is good. Sometimes Good looks different than we think it should because we can't see the whole picture. God is in charge. God has offered to adopt all of us. And you get to be adopted twice! You are a precious girl and my gift. Here forever in our family.
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  1. Your goodness. And grace. And love. And wisdom. Kylie, you are such a picture of Jesus to me. Thank you for always sharing your story. Thankful for you and your precious family! My heart aches reading your words. Yet rejoices in so many ways too. Love you lots.

  2. Kylie,
    I just found your blog when a friend suggested it! We are in the depths of an adoption from DRC. We have a sweet baby boy waiting to come home, we are 6 months from our referral date and the words in your post are the words of my heart. Thank you for giving words to the emotions of heart break, anxiety, joy and anticipation. To God be the Glory!